January 2017 is our first New Year’s challenge, and I would like to use this opportunity to share my own experiences as I take the challenge myself. As an introduction, I wanted to share why I started this site.
As a child, I had a bit of a victim mentality. I felt sorry for myself. I didn’t know how to appreciate the things I had. Luckily, a lot of experiences and programs taught me the evil of this way. That what keeps me unhappy is choosing to feel sorry for myself – not the situation itself. Slowly, I learned to change my attitude. And my life.
I am a bit of a social action crusader. I get angry when the government spends money on airplanes and not on poor people. I feel bitter when I see religious leaders abusing their power. And what happens is that I sit around with people who think like me and complain about it, self-righteously, which of course doesn’t dent the reality.
I have lived through several wars and terror waves in Israel and seen the situation described in black and white terms by each “side” – each placing the “blame” firmly on the other side, without acknowledging the pain and truth of the other. In the last war, when in Tel Aviv, I daily was pulling my baby son out of his crib at night to huddle in the hallway with my neighbors during missile attacks, I experienced a dear friend in England refusing to understand that I was also a victim of this war. Because she ascribed to a certain point of view. And I read Facebook. Hate on Obama. Hate on the right. Hate on the left. Some of it even from me, when I get particularly angry or when I see a “wrong” that I think is particularly awful. But, if I go back to my victim mentality lesson: is railing against the system going to make anything better? Or just keep me “justifiably” angry?
I believe that we all create our own lives with our thoughts. Of course, this is not my original idea. And it is also slowly becoming more and more backed up by science.
So, it is actually scientifically proven that all this cynicism, anger at what’s wrong is keeping our energy focused on the problems and stuck in the same mud. It won’t change anything.
When it comes to things like the Israel-Palestine conflict, this addiction to seeing only one side and feeling a victim has particularly lethal results. If we refuse to see the other side, the legitimacy of their truth will not go away. And so adhering to one side, “supporting” one side, really supports the continuation of the conflict.
I want to change the conversation.
First for myself. I may believe that we create with our thoughts but does this stop me from complaining? No. of course not. It’s intrinsic. The thing I complain most about is myself. I have been working on this a long time, so I have gotten better at hiding my criticism – now it comes out as disappointment at what I didn’t do – not giving myself credit for how awesome I am or how maybe people will actually really want to spend time with me.
I want us to start a conversation about what we want to see in our world, not about what is wrong with the world. I am not criticizing all those awesome people out there who are uncovering bad deeds or pointing out issues that need to be worked on. But we don’t all need to talk about that. All the time.
I wanted to create a safe space where we can talk about our dreams and help each other focus on the yes. Do we hate the way a policy is going? Instead of railing on the evil perpetrator- focus on what we want our government to look like and create energy and solutions for that. It’s hard. I love to complain! I am furious about injustice. But I want to change that habit and talk about what is right – in our own lives and in our society. With this energy, we can create change.
Look forward to continuing the conversation!
Lots of love and best wishes for a fabulous new year!
Nitsana
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