Even for those of us not returning to school, September has in it the promise of something new, of change. And we, like the good children we are, begin recreating our dreams. 100 days left of this year. How do we want them to look?
If you are anything like me, you have had these questions and feelings every year. Every year you open a page with your goal on the top, draw out what it’s going to look like and then plan every step of the way. Every year, if you are lucky, you have even followed through with the plan maybe a week, or a month. Maybe even three. But then. Something happens. It’s always subtle. You don’t wake up one morning for your exercise by accident and then the next day, when tempted, you just hit the snooze button. What’s one day? And then the next. Until you convince yourself it’s not worth it or its too hard or it’s not really important or it’s not really you and you just stop.
I could, if I really wanted to, point to my successes. To the things I have started and have become an integral part of who I am. But I don’t.
My attempts at starting something new become tinged with my “failures”. With the yearly lists that got me nowhere. With the yearly goals and five year plans being laughable really. My self-doubt creeps in. I say to myself: I can not create. My words have no power as I don’t stand behind them.
So here are some of the things I am doing this year to keep me on track this time.
- Be nice to myself. Always. Even when I fail, even when I make a mistake. Even when I get angry at myself for not being nice to myself. This has to become a cardinal rule so I can eradicate my self-effacing habit that gets in the way of every single thing I want to do in my life.
- Think about what I have done, not what I haven’t. Every time my mind goes someplace that is not effective like “what about all the things I didn’t succeed in achieving”, force myself to think of things I have done and have accomplished. If all else fails, leave the situation that is making me doubt myself.
- Enjoy myself- find out what I love. I am not “reducing” my goals, but instead of writing a goal that feels so separate from my life that I cannot imagine it actually occurring, instead, I explore what I enjoy to do with my day. What brings me pleasure. And spend more time doing that.
- Explore. Try new things out. Don’t worry about “how it looks”. Or if I am good at it. Not everything I do has to be perfect. This is a correlation to rule 3, enjoy myself. I am so caught up in my “have to’s” that I literally feel guilty if I feel that I am relaxing and doing something fun, if it’s not with my son (because in enjoying myself with my son I am fulfilling the purpose of being a mom). Being silly and trying things out is where I grow.
- Celebrate each day’s success. Truly acknowledge them. Yesterday I was sick and didn’t do what I intended. Instead of concentrating on that, I celebrate that although sick – I still DID do the things I did and I DID have a great afternoon with my boy. All great successes!
- Compare myself to myself. Although it feels like a trite sentiment – it is profoundly important for keeping myself happy and moving forward in my own life. I can only excel at being me. Concentrating on what others have/achieve/do only keeps me mired in my own self-loathing and stuck in mile deep mud. It is all irrelevant. The only thing that is relevant is me. Am I doing the best I can do in this situation. Can I do something more? Am I doing too much? Am I focusing correctly? Am I getting side tracked by ego? These are the only questions whose answers can bring me joy.
- Make it fun. I have a friend who regularly goes to the movies in the afternoon. I balked at her original suggestion that I join her. WHAT? A MOVIE??? IN THE AFTERNOON??? I am a single mom – every moment counts… bla bla bla. But. She too is a single mom. She too needs to count her minutes. But she is knows that the two hour break she takes every couple of weeks keeps her focused during the rest of the day and accomplishing more than what she otherwise may have. So, yes, taking a walk on the beach may be more effective than forcing myself to sit for hours in front of the computer and being less effective with my time.
- Accept where and who I am. yup. nuff said.
So, this new Jewish year. This new school year. These last 100 days of the year, these 8 things will be my focus. And with these 8 guidelines, I will write my plans and set my goals. And I will celebrate whatever will manifest in my life.